by Jeremy Dennis, @menace524
We have come to the end of the NFL regular season and 2020. It has certainly been...uh...interesting to say the least. Hopefully, 2021 will bring a little more normalcy to the table when it comes to life and gambling. With that in mind, how about a few NFL resolutions to finish us off for the season:
Maybe drafting a quarterback from The Ohio State University isn’t a good idea. Going in descending order for the last five: Dwayne Haskins, Cardale Jones, Braxton Miller, Terrelle Pryor, and Troy Smith. Yikes. The Buckeyes will always have Tom Tupa.
How about less adding teams to the playoffs and more having the best teams in. Yes, folks. Someone in the NFC East aka Hot Garbage Division is going to make the playoffs with 7 wins and a home game, while a few double-digit win teams will not.
For you fantasy football fans: Please stop badgering players when they do not perform on your fantasy team. You look like a bunch of idiots. Probably the same people that toss the Monopoly board when they are losing to their 5-year old.
While we are on the subject of fantasy: How about if the leagues would stop punishing Defensive Teams when their offense gives up a defensive touchdown. That makes absolutely no sense.
Stop referring to Dallas as America’s Team. This isn’t 1976.
Can we not work on some sort of location tracking in the footballs so that we can better spot the ball? Same with the damn chains. Is this the best we can do in 2021?
Can we stop referring to the speed of a ball carrier as a Next Gen statistic? Speed of things and people have been around for quite a long time. Just ask the Georgia State Patrol who clocked me doing...whatever. You get the point.
Finally, for myself: Stop trying to override the computer and for the love of God stop having multiple bet amounts for a week of games. If I would have just bet 10 units on each game, I would be up 24 units instead of:
Last week YTD
Record 9-7 124-108-6 (53.4%)
Top Picks 4-0 28-26-1 (51.9%)
Betting Result UP 19.9 Units DOWN 25.8 Units
Green Bay (-5.5) at Chicago
Is anyone playing better in the NFC than Green Bay? Plus, they are still trying to get that Number One Seed. Chicago has won three in a row. However, this was against Houston, Minnesota, and Jacksonville. Not really feeling Trubisky if he gets behind.
Washington (-1.5) at Philadelphia
Believe it or not, the Football Team is playing for the division crown against the Eagles. The defense continues to play lights out as they only allowed two offensive scores last week despite Dwayne Haskins putting them in bad spots. With Haskins gone and Alex Smith looking to start, they will be a better offensive team. Philly came back to earth losing by 20 to Dallas. Is there enough tape now to effectively chart Jalen Hurts’ tendencies?
New Orleans (-6.5) at Carolina
Another team playing for the top seed. New Orleans hung up half a century on Minnesota. While Carolina’s defense is better than the Vikings, they will not be able to keep up with the Saints offense.
Pittsburgh (+10) at Cleveland
Do we really think, with all of the COVID issues and the Browns’ propensity to choke that they will cover this number. I realize that Big Ben isn’t playing. Frankly, I don’t think it matters. Hello, 13-10.
Tampa Bay (-6.5) VS Atlanta
Atlanta had the Chiefs on the brink and blew it last week. How can the Falcons psyche not be crushed? Tampa is another team playing for seeding and Brady appears to have found something as he has thrown for 600+ yards in his LAST FOUR QUARTERS!!!
THE REST OF THE COMPUTER PICKS YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO
Jacksonville (+14) at Indianapolis
Now that the Jags have secured the #1 pick in the draft, they will actually play well?
Houston (+7.5) vs Tennessee
For the life of me, I do not know what this damn computer’s fascination with the Texans is. Sure they are most efficient on offense. However, they turn the ball over too much and their defense stinks. Remember - resolutions...I will listen to the computer...
Las Vegas (-2) at Denver
Welcome to the Disappointment Bowl! Vegas is a little better offensively. Denver is a little better defensively. The statistics see the Raider offensive advantage as the key to a three-point victory.
New York Giants (+3) vs Dallas
Another team that the damn computer is enamored with. Dallas has been playing much better on offense since Thanksgiving. The Giants have been miserable in the last three games. They have scored 26 points during the current losing streak. However, the defense should keep them in the game and the Cowboy D isn’t great shakes.
Kansas City (+3.5) vs Los Angeles Chargers
Chad Henne isn’t a miserable back-up to Mahomes who will be resting. Don’t forget, this is still the Chargers we are talking about. Wouldn’t be surprised if the Chiefs still win outright.
New York Jets (+3) at New England
The Jets are actually playing decent football. New England is not. The Patriots are broken on both sides of the ball. Remember that the Pats needed a comeback to win the last time these teams played.
Detroit (+7) vs Minnesota
I have zero faith in the Minnesota defense. It doesn’t matter who starts for Detroit. Of course, the Detroit defense is very bad as well.
Cincinnati (+13) vs Baltimore
Has the Bengal offense actually gotten some traction? Sure, they put up 37 against Houston. Baltimore looks to be picking up a little steam as well. They need this win for a chance to get into the playoffs. They will probably win, but this should be too big of a number.
Miami (+1.5) at Buffalo
As of this writing, it is not known whether Josh Allen will be playing on Sunday. Miami is looking to get in the playoffs. Computer says Fitzmagic and the upset.
San Francisco (+5.5) vs Seattle
The defensive efficiency of the Niners as compared to the Hawks give them an edge here. The 49er offense has been so inconsistent, it is hard to figure out, no matter who is behind center. Seattle wins by a field goal.
Los Angeles Rams (+1.5) vs Arizona
This is another game where the starters at quarterback are up in the air. Assuming both back-ups play in this game, the numbers lean toward the L.A. defense being more efficient and thus winning the game outright.
To those who are reading this, we have made it! 2020 will soon be in the rear-view mirror and hopefully some brighter days in 2021. May your New Years be most excellent and please stay safe. See you next year!